Best Wedding Photographer in San Francisco.
Keys to Family Happiness-Treating Your Mate With Respect.
Will says:“When Rachel is upset, she cries for a long time. If we sit down to talk, she gets irritable or even gives me the silent treatment. Nothing seems to work. I feel like giving up.”
Rachel says: “When Will came home, I was crying. I tried to explain why I was upset, but he cut me off. He told me that it wasn’t that serious, and I should just get over it. That made me even more upset.”
CAN you relate to Will or Rachel? Both of them want to communicate, but they often get frustrated. Why?
 |
Men and women communicate differently, and they have unique needs. A woman may long to share her feelings openly and often. Many men, on the other hand, try to preserve peace by solving problems quickly and avoiding thorny issues. How, then, can you bridge these differences and communicate with your husband or wife? By treating your mate with respect!
 |
A respectful person values others and seeks to understand their feelings. Since childhood, you may have learned to respect people who have more authority or experience than you have. In marriage, however, the challenge is to show respect for someone with whom you are on more of an equal footing—your mate. “I knew that Phil would listen with patience and understanding to anyone else who spoke to him,” says Linda, who has been married for eight years. “I wanted him to be just as empathetic with me.” Likely, you listen patiently and speak respectfully to friends and even strangers. Yet, are you just as considerate to your mate?
 |
Disrespect creates tension in the home and leads to bitter conflict. A wise ruler stated: “A dry crust of bread eaten in peace and quietness is better than a feast eaten where everyone argues.” Experienced couples encourages husbands to treat their wive's with honor,and respect. “The wife” too “should have deep respect for her husband.” How can you communicate respectfully? Consider some practical advice's.
 |
When Your Mate Has Something to Say.The Challenge: Many people like to talk more than they like to listen. Are you one of them? It is very unwise to “replying to a matter before hearing details about it.” So before you talk, listen. Why? “I prefer it when my husband doesn’t try to fix my problems right away,” says Kara, who has been married for 26 years. “He doesn’t even have to agree or figure out why the problem arose. I just want him to listen to me and validate my feelings.” On the other hand, some men and women hesitate to express themselves and feel uncomfortable if their mate pressures them to talk about their feelings. Lorrie, who was recently married, discovered that her husband takes a long time to share his feelings. “I have to be patient,” she says, “and wait for him to open up.”
 |
| A Solution: If you and your mate need to talk about something potentially divisive, raise the matter when both of you are calm and relaxed. What if your spouse is reluctant to speak up? Recognize that “a person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out.” If you draw a bucket out of a well too quickly, you will lose a lot of water. Similarly, if you confront your mate too forcefully, your mate may become defensive and the opportunity to draw him or her out may be lost. Instead, ask questions gently and respectfully, and be patient if your mate does not articulate feelings as quickly as you would like. When your spouse does speak, “be swift about hearing, slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” A good listener listens not only with the ears but also with the heart. When your mate speaks, try to understand his or her feelings. Your mate will sense your level of respect—or disrespect—by the way you listen. When your mate speaks, follow the same pattern. Remember, he or she is likely seeking heartfelt empathy, not a quick solution. So listen closely. Allow your emotions to be touched. Then, and only then, respond to your mate’s needs. By doing so, you will show that you respect your mate. TRY THIS: The next time your mate begins speaking to you, resist the urge to respond immediately. Wait until your spouse has finished talking and you understand what was expressed. Later, approach your mate and ask, “Did you feel that I was really listening to you?”
|
|
|
|
. |
